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I have been negligent
Jan. 20th, 2004 11:09 amI just realized it's been a really, really long time since I wrote a public or semi-public entry that actually said anything. Hmm. I should do that, shouldn't I?
A thought I posted as a comment on another person's journal on polyamory and multiple primaries:
"My one issue that I am trying to work through is this:
Love isn't just something you feel. It's something you do. Or rather, one of the most important parts of love is how you show it. Showing someone you love them, treating them like you love them, requires time, attention, and effort. The more people you spread that between, the less each one gets. And getting a little from a lot of people isn't the same as getting a lot from one. Not by a long shot. This is why I'm still having problems trying to adjust to a poly lifestyle, especially when there are multiple primaries. What if both (or all) of your primaries call you up one night and say, "I need you. Life is just so hard right now, I need to have you here to make me feel ok again." What do you do? How do you choose? How is it ok to leave one (or more) of them hanging?
I'm still afraid that maybe I'm not cut out for this...but I'm trying. And if someone can give me a way of looking at those points I just raised that will make me feel better, I'll appreciate it."
Another thought, this one posted for the first time---
I may have said this somewhere before, but I don't remember. I hate feeling in the middle. In my religious practice, I was content as an eclectic for ten years before deciding to move to a traditional path. I've heard eclectics bitch about traditionalists, and I've heard the trads bitch about the eclectics. I get pissed off at all of 'em. Same thing with people who claim that either monogamy or polyamory is a "better" way of living and loving, that one is wrong and the other is right. Some anti-poly people say that the poly lifestyle is just something immature commitmentphobes do to justify their "inability" to commit to a "real" relationship. Some anti-monogamy people say that monogamists are selfish and unenlightened, and that if they didn't let society "repress" them so much, they'd understand it's "better" to be poly.. I get pissed at both of them. In religion and love, the right way is only the right way on an individual basis. Not for everyone. This rant is not directed at anyone in particular, just at a whole bunch of random people, people I know and strangers, who have expressed these irritating ideas.
Now I feel like I've done something. :)
A thought I posted as a comment on another person's journal on polyamory and multiple primaries:
"My one issue that I am trying to work through is this:
Love isn't just something you feel. It's something you do. Or rather, one of the most important parts of love is how you show it. Showing someone you love them, treating them like you love them, requires time, attention, and effort. The more people you spread that between, the less each one gets. And getting a little from a lot of people isn't the same as getting a lot from one. Not by a long shot. This is why I'm still having problems trying to adjust to a poly lifestyle, especially when there are multiple primaries. What if both (or all) of your primaries call you up one night and say, "I need you. Life is just so hard right now, I need to have you here to make me feel ok again." What do you do? How do you choose? How is it ok to leave one (or more) of them hanging?
I'm still afraid that maybe I'm not cut out for this...but I'm trying. And if someone can give me a way of looking at those points I just raised that will make me feel better, I'll appreciate it."
Another thought, this one posted for the first time---
I may have said this somewhere before, but I don't remember. I hate feeling in the middle. In my religious practice, I was content as an eclectic for ten years before deciding to move to a traditional path. I've heard eclectics bitch about traditionalists, and I've heard the trads bitch about the eclectics. I get pissed off at all of 'em. Same thing with people who claim that either monogamy or polyamory is a "better" way of living and loving, that one is wrong and the other is right. Some anti-poly people say that the poly lifestyle is just something immature commitmentphobes do to justify their "inability" to commit to a "real" relationship. Some anti-monogamy people say that monogamists are selfish and unenlightened, and that if they didn't let society "repress" them so much, they'd understand it's "better" to be poly.. I get pissed at both of them. In religion and love, the right way is only the right way on an individual basis. Not for everyone. This rant is not directed at anyone in particular, just at a whole bunch of random people, people I know and strangers, who have expressed these irritating ideas.
Now I feel like I've done something. :)
