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badseed1980The one guy I've actually had multiple dates with outside of my relationship has found someone else, and they're going to be monogamous. I'm actually really happy for him, but...fuck. I'm jealous. Not of the girl who got him, but of him...nice, simple, uncomplicated relationship apparently, where the worst thing he's had to worry about so far is letting me down gently.
No one to kiss on New Year's Eve at midnight so far. Again. Well hell, I've only had that once anyway.
Eh, maybe he and I can still be friends. If he bothers.
No one to go to Fetish Fair with either. Some birthday.
I'd been thinking that maybe getting more involved with someone else would make me feel better about this whole thing...less like it's unequal. It's not like I haven't been trying to do that. I try to meet people, I try dating them, I keep in touch diligently. This guy was the first who I wanted to see again. Well, I'd also made out with a friend at Man Ray who I wouldn't have minded seeing again, but apparently he's sticking with his girlfriend.
There's another guy who I met online who wants to get together sometime. I'm just afraid that it might not be a good idea to do this now, when I'm in a precarious emotional position. Last thing I want to do is have sex with someone and burst into tears afterwards. That wouldn't make a good impression at all. But a simple date, that might be ok. I don't know. All I know is that if the person I love hurts me, I would like to get some affection from someone who doesn't. I think. At least, part of me thinks it may make me feel better. May be worse, though, too. Again: fuck. What a life this is.
No one to kiss on New Year's Eve at midnight so far. Again. Well hell, I've only had that once anyway.
Eh, maybe he and I can still be friends. If he bothers.
No one to go to Fetish Fair with either. Some birthday.
I'd been thinking that maybe getting more involved with someone else would make me feel better about this whole thing...less like it's unequal. It's not like I haven't been trying to do that. I try to meet people, I try dating them, I keep in touch diligently. This guy was the first who I wanted to see again. Well, I'd also made out with a friend at Man Ray who I wouldn't have minded seeing again, but apparently he's sticking with his girlfriend.
There's another guy who I met online who wants to get together sometime. I'm just afraid that it might not be a good idea to do this now, when I'm in a precarious emotional position. Last thing I want to do is have sex with someone and burst into tears afterwards. That wouldn't make a good impression at all. But a simple date, that might be ok. I don't know. All I know is that if the person I love hurts me, I would like to get some affection from someone who doesn't. I think. At least, part of me thinks it may make me feel better. May be worse, though, too. Again: fuck. What a life this is.
