Oh. My. Gods.

[badseed1980]

Ladies, Gentlemen, and Others:

I present, for your edification...How Not To Write.

Thanks to elissa_carey for this mind-boggling display of insane stupidity.

Comments

[evaelisabeth.livejournal.com]

Oh my (Going to get the brain bleach)

[paigemom.livejournal.com]

Holy shit. I've been reading and reviewing erotica novels for Romantic Times magazine for TWO YEARS now and never ONCE read anything that bad!

[cuddlycthulhu.livejournal.com]

HER PUBES WERE WHEAT?!

FFS, I can't sell a short story but this guy got published?! ARGH!

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

No, HER PUBES *WAS* WHEAT.

[cuddlycthulhu.livejournal.com]

That only makes it worse!!!

[elissa-carey.livejournal.com]

The wheat AFTER THE HARVEST is the real capper there. What? To quote another commenter, "Rat-infested stubble?" It defies all common sense and makes a mockery of...well, everything, really.

[elissa-carey.livejournal.com]

I can only guess that it was a bad month for submissions, and they simply picked something at random because all were bad. A decision that, no doubt, they are highly regretting right now. :D

[cuddlycthulhu.livejournal.com]

Maybe he meant that it was freshly mowed...

Which just makes me ask, did they use some sort of threshing machine or was it tiny faeries with scythes?

[elissa-carey.livejournal.com]

Freshly mowed pubes... now there's an image that's somehow worse, don't ask me why.

If they used scythes, maybe they borrowed her eyebrows to do it.

[lensman.livejournal.com]

"or was it tiny faeries with scythes?"

Oh god "Pube Farmin Faeries"... Or worse "Pube Faerie Ranchers": "Time to drive this herd to market... Yeah Move along little crab!"...

[lensman.livejournal.com]

"Freshly mowed pubes... now there's an image that's somehow worse, don't ask me why."

Heh and I was picturing faeries on little tiny ridding mowers... :-)which lead to a whole suburban thing in my head, and finally to a few tiny pube faeries out playing a round of golf....

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

[dee-cee.livejournal.com]

I just read all six pages out loud to E, and when I was done, I asked him "soooo...you want me to order it from Amazon?"

He then put his hand on my belly and told Baby MC they're not getting siblings. :(

...Although I'm picturing having this to read aloud with a group, laughing our asses off. It's sooo much worse watching the faces of people as they try to put all the metaphors together.

And for some reason, I kept picturing Eddie Izzard doing this on stage: "It was an otter!"

Re: BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

Did you see the fan art (http://vandonovan.livejournal.com/1088311.html?thread=11352887#t11352887)?

[miss-lisa-ma.livejournal.com]

There isn't enough bleach in the world to clean that off...

[leenah.livejournal.com]

those would be good band names.

[lensman.livejournal.com]

Heh I can see a band called "Faerie Ranchers" in a scene out of "The Blues Brothers" doing a cover of the theme to Rawhide...

[tisana.livejournal.com]

I read that and kept hoping it was some kind of regionalism where a collective noun acts as a singular noun. I know there's some differences between British and American English that way.

But given how awful the rest of it is--I'd managed to wipe it from my brain, mostly, after reading it on shadesong's LJ, but my f-list has helpfully reminded me--I'd say it's just bad in general.

Re: BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

[hippie1025.livejournal.com]

You should come Sunday and do a reading of that! ;)

[shakti-lemaris.livejournal.com]

Wow. I'm off to work on my writing now, freshly inspired. If that guy can get published, anyone can.

[cos]

That book was a whisper in my ear. It was a gasp in the dark. It was the echo ...

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

ROFL!