Ooogh.

[badseed1980]

Tired.

So. Very. Tired.

I wasn't going to log in to Yahoo again last night after my shower, but I did. I'm glad I did, but oh boy am I tired.

I am grateful for elissa_carey's sensible statements. It all boils down to this:

"If you can show me through your actions that I make you as happy as she does, and that you want to make ME happy as much as you want to make HER happy, the exact count of words or hours will not matter. But trying to even those things up a bit is a good start, since they have swung back and forth like a pendulum in the past. Trying to be more equal in your treatment of us will show the effort and care that is what really matters."

And this:

"If you love two people, you love them in different ways and for different reasons. But you can still feel the same intensity of love for both. And if you do, you should show it through your actions."

And this:

"I will try to make sure that you feel you can express your pain without getting jumped on and attacked. But keep in mind, it's a LOT easier for me to do that when you don't keep (as elissa_carey put it) 'stepping on my toes in the same spot.'"

Comments

[elissa-carey.livejournal.com]

*hug* Doin' what I can. I was up late making sure Jeff had underthings to wear the next day, so when I saw Morgan's cry for help... well, I can't ignore cries for help.

[p-firesinger.livejournal.com]

My honey is so good at helping people. Last night we tag teamed another friend last night. I guess something felt we needed to be counsellors for a bit. It was good to help them and I am glad Elissa helped you guys.

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

Well, she certainly made me feel like I wasn't crazy. :)

[elissa-carey.livejournal.com]

I'm glad. There's a part of me that howls with laughter at the idea that I'm a good "sanity check," but it's been diminishing. I guess I am as someone else on my Friends put it: "relentlessly stable." I'm overall happy with this, especially if it means being able to help when I'm needed.

Hope you're having a better day. :)

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

Still slightly frustrating, but better than last night, thanks. :)

By the way...months ago when that meme was going around that asked all the questions about how we see one another, there was one that said, "What nickname would you give me?" I said "mom" for you. I know you better now...it still holds. :P

[elissa-carey.livejournal.com]

Hahaha! "Mom"... yeah, can't run away from it. :)

You guys are awesome. :)

[bittercat.livejournal.com]

You two are really great friends. I am sure that all of your friends (I can definitely speak for myself) are grateful to have you in their lives!

Re: You guys are awesome. :)

[elissa-carey.livejournal.com]

Thanks. Right back atcha. :)

Re: You guys are awesome. :)

[p-firesinger.livejournal.com]

*HUGZ*

I'm reading about all of this backwards.

[bittercat.livejournal.com]

I have mostly kept my mouth shut, because I am not poly and never have been. I can make assumptions, and I can state opinions, but there's nothing I can really say that would be helpful on a practical level.

I can say this, though: You have to decide what is right for you. How much is enough? How much pain? How much joy? How long can you continue with what you are dealing with?

Please take care of YOU first! :(

*hugs* I wish all 3 of you the very best!

Re: I'm reading about all of this backwards.

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

I can say this, though: You have to decide what is right for you. How much is enough? How much pain? How much joy? How long can you continue with what you are dealing with?

I know you mean well, honey, but I'm tired of hearing this from people. I'm tired of people making it sound like I should be trying to think about whether or not to get out of this relationship.

That is NOT an issue at this point in time. It is not an option.

I am trying to think, instead, about how to make this work.

Re: I'm reading about all of this backwards.

[bittercat.livejournal.com]

That actually was not what I was saying, and I'm sorry if I annoyed you.

I know how you feel. I've been there plenty, what with all my problems with G. ;) *hugs*

What I was saying was that you need to figure out FOR YOURSELF, from your own perspective, what feels right to you. ;)

I really do hope you all work it out, especially if this relationship is truly what you all want.

*big hugs*

Re: I'm reading about all of this backwards.

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

thanks :)

[pierceheart.livejournal.com]

Okay, once I was told not to think too hard about things, being even handed with you two, lest it drive me neurotic.

I didn't do it at ALL.

And other times, I get told to think things out, before doing or saying them, but, when I do that, it comes back to me from various sources that I am hedging my words, shading the truth.

I don;t want to react anymore.

I need to learn to plan better, but I need some slack over the fact that I don't yet.

I am sorry I put you in the position of feeling like you were taking from someone else, and then feeling the mixed guilt/self need issues.

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

I think that if I ever did say, "Don't think about it too much," it was because you seemed exasperated when I asked you to think about it. I think that if there's something that needs to be fixed, you HAVE to think about it. Being careful is important. Being neurotic isn't the same thing.

I don't think planning was the main issue here. I think the main issue was that you slighted someone and made her feel less important to you. Poor planning was only the means by which that was done. I'm sorry if I made you feel like all of a sudden you have ot be a master planner. What I should have said was, "Be careful and think things through when you make plans, because that's one way in which you tend to exhibit your patterns of pendulum affection."

And thank you for the apology. Accepted, willingly.