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Oct. 4th, 2003 04:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
badseed1980I guess I bring these things on myself.
I promised myself I wouldn't ever date another military man, after Dan was sent to Kuwait and we broke up. Then I broke my own promise. "At least," I told myself, "I'm never going to fall in love with another military man." Then I broke that promise as well. I wasn't too worried though: he was stationed right in New Hampshire, and there were no signs he'd be leaving anytime soon.
Well, now those signs are starting to appear, and so is that familiar dread that's taken up its place in the pit of my stomach. I'm afraid. And as much as he tries to console me with "There aren't any orders, it's just rumours right now. This happened to me before and I didn't get sent over," it doesn't work. Because, to my regret, I know the Army. It changes its mind at the drop of a hat, and they have no qualms about fucking over their soldiers with "Surprise! You're going to a combat zone in a week!" I know; I've seen it happen.
I don't think there is any consolation for this. This pseudo-war will never end. Even if they don't send him away now, who's to say it won't happen a few months from now? It's like walking on a rickety bridge that could break at any minute and send you plunging into a deep chasm. Only the bridge has an end that you get to eventually, if you're lucky. I can only hope and pray that if he ever does get sent over, it will be when we've been together long enough that our relationship can stand a year's leave of absence and come back intact. Otherwise I'm afraid it will be the end of the best thing that's happened to me in a very long time.
I promised myself I wouldn't ever date another military man, after Dan was sent to Kuwait and we broke up. Then I broke my own promise. "At least," I told myself, "I'm never going to fall in love with another military man." Then I broke that promise as well. I wasn't too worried though: he was stationed right in New Hampshire, and there were no signs he'd be leaving anytime soon.
Well, now those signs are starting to appear, and so is that familiar dread that's taken up its place in the pit of my stomach. I'm afraid. And as much as he tries to console me with "There aren't any orders, it's just rumours right now. This happened to me before and I didn't get sent over," it doesn't work. Because, to my regret, I know the Army. It changes its mind at the drop of a hat, and they have no qualms about fucking over their soldiers with "Surprise! You're going to a combat zone in a week!" I know; I've seen it happen.
I don't think there is any consolation for this. This pseudo-war will never end. Even if they don't send him away now, who's to say it won't happen a few months from now? It's like walking on a rickety bridge that could break at any minute and send you plunging into a deep chasm. Only the bridge has an end that you get to eventually, if you're lucky. I can only hope and pray that if he ever does get sent over, it will be when we've been together long enough that our relationship can stand a year's leave of absence and come back intact. Otherwise I'm afraid it will be the end of the best thing that's happened to me in a very long time.
