Final update of the night, I promise.
Oct. 4th, 2003 07:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
badseed1980Thank the gods. I'm so lucky to have Raul. I don't know if it was what he said, how he said it, what I said to him, or just the energy that passes between us that made me feel better, but I do.
I was just feeling like I needed someone, anyone who I loved and trusted, to talk to. I felt so lonely and helpless. But Raul called me right back after I left him a message, and he helped me. Just hearing someone say, "What's the matter? Tell me what's bothering you. Tell me why this is hurting you so much," felt good. He didn't tell me not to worry. He didn't tell me it would be okay. But he reminded me of the blessings I have, and that there are those in the world who love me and care for me. Even if I feel alone, they don't stop. It seems like whenever I really need him, he's there to heal me and help me. That's what I needed tonight: someone I could depend on to be there for me when I was in pain. And he was. And for those who weren't, it's ok. I am better now, and I can talk about things later and be less hysterical. This is not a guilt trip. A long strange trip, maybe, but that's it. :) I am lucky to have friends and lovers like the ones I have, and have had in the past. Not one of them is replaceable by another. They are all precious and unique to me, alive with a fire in my mind that is brilliant and warm. They are a treasure I can take out in my mind and hold close to me, even when they aren't around. See? That's another thing about Raul. Speak to Romanians, and you'll start speaking poetry! You just can't help it! Feeling much better now. I won't be a drag on the party. :)
I was just feeling like I needed someone, anyone who I loved and trusted, to talk to. I felt so lonely and helpless. But Raul called me right back after I left him a message, and he helped me. Just hearing someone say, "What's the matter? Tell me what's bothering you. Tell me why this is hurting you so much," felt good. He didn't tell me not to worry. He didn't tell me it would be okay. But he reminded me of the blessings I have, and that there are those in the world who love me and care for me. Even if I feel alone, they don't stop. It seems like whenever I really need him, he's there to heal me and help me. That's what I needed tonight: someone I could depend on to be there for me when I was in pain. And he was. And for those who weren't, it's ok. I am better now, and I can talk about things later and be less hysterical. This is not a guilt trip. A long strange trip, maybe, but that's it. :) I am lucky to have friends and lovers like the ones I have, and have had in the past. Not one of them is replaceable by another. They are all precious and unique to me, alive with a fire in my mind that is brilliant and warm. They are a treasure I can take out in my mind and hold close to me, even when they aren't around. See? That's another thing about Raul. Speak to Romanians, and you'll start speaking poetry! You just can't help it! Feeling much better now. I won't be a drag on the party. :)
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Date: 2003-10-05 10:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-10-06 05:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-10-05 04:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-10-05 07:05 pm (UTC)*HUGS*
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Date: 2003-10-05 07:35 pm (UTC)You know, I liked that compliment Jacob gave me this morning: "I feel sinful just looking at you!" LOL
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Date: 2003-10-05 09:07 pm (UTC)