Stolen from various peoples

[badseed1980]

I turned on anonymous posting, but now I actually want you to use it. I want you to post anything that you want.

Anything.

A story, a secret, a confession, a fear, a love - anything. Be sure to post anonymously and honestly. Post twice if you'd like.

Then, put this in your LJ to see what your friends (and perhaps others who you don't even realize read your LJ) have to say.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

You are one of the most beautiful people I've been lucky enough to be with. I love you.

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

Thank you. :) I am honoured.

[(Anonymous)]

I envy you for a lot of things.

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

I'm glad to have things that are enviable. I'm sure there are people who envy you as well.

[(Anonymous)]

Not that I am aware of, and you might not be so comfortable, or, approving, that is, about the envy. YMMV.

[(Anonymous)]

I'd really love the opportunity to make love to you.

[(Anonymous)]

This could be any one of a few people . . . cry Cheeble! and let slip the hamsters of war . . . err, let the mental guessing games begin!

repeat

[(Anonymous)]

and this could also be said by many other people, too.

Re: repeat

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

well, duh

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

Cheeble?

[(Anonymous)]

From the Friesner FAQs (http://www.sff.net/people/e.friesner/estFAQs.html):

Cheeble: This handy-dandy all-purpose word was coined by my son and is his, Pat. Pend., © and all like that there, Hands Off! It can be used (with proper permission) as a noun or verb, but the most commonly agreed-upon definition is that it is the cry of the enraged bull hamster. Now you know

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

Hmm...I can only think of a few people who this might be...

[(Anonymous)]

I listen to the soundtrack to batman mask of the phantasm way too much

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

Try Batman Forever. It has a Nick Cave song on it.

[(Anonymous)]

The pic/icon of you in the corset is HOT! I'd also like to sit in your closet and play live-dress-up-barbie! ;)

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

This sounds familiar...

[(Anonymous)]

Even when I look strong on the outside sometimes, those are the times I am hurting the most.

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

That's why we have friends, family, and loved ones to lean on in times of need. Don't be afraid to do so.

[(Anonymous)]

Yes, but . . .

Fear is one HELL of a motivator, isn't it? I dunno, the drama I have seen all seems to have fear as the induction element.

[(Anonymous)]

Oh, I do, it's just...ya know, you have to been strong most of the time. Could I at least just cry one of these times and just let the drama go?

[(Anonymous)]

I think you are very witty, charming, talented, sensible, and quite attractive.

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

Why, thank you very much! *blush*

[(Anonymous)]

You really like attention, which is probably why you used to spam so much on your LJ before pierceheart came home from Iraq. However, the attention-neediness is still somewhat in evidence on NFP & TotC.

Paradoxically, you keep your circle of actual friends closeknit and closed.

Other than that, you are an interesting and lovable person.

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

Spam?

I don't like Spam. Do you mean posting quizzes and memes and stuff? I post them when I see a bunch of my friends doing them, and think, "ooh, I'll try that."

I fully admit I love attention. I don't see that as a failing. My rants on NFP and TotC are more about the end result of huge buildup of irritation with other people who annoy the fuck out of me, and not about wanting attention for myself. I don't suffer fools gladly.

A large part of the neediness, though you may not know me well enough to know this, was the result of huge amounts of emotional damage being inflicted on me by the dishonesty and neglect of pierceheart. When the one who says he loves you is at the same time pushing you away and hoping you'll somehow get out of his life so he can be with the woman he really loves more than you and not have to worry about how to dump you without looking like a shmuck, it kinda hurts, and fucks you up on the whole subject of whether or not people actually care about you.

My circle of friends is rather large, actually, and not so much close-knit as it is sorta incestuous...all my friends know one another somehow. And there are always new people being added on. It's by no means closed. But I am selective about who I choose to bring in on a close level.

[(Anonymous)]

and fucks you up on the whole subject of whether or not people actually care about you.

You shouldn't let one bad apple, or bad actions of an otherwise almost okay apple, change your views on your own worth. Nor on how other people feel about you. that is giving a prick too much power over you.

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

Oi, that boy turned his act around pretty fucking well. Don't call him a prick. Don't pass judgment where you don't understand.

just going off of what you wrote.

[(Anonymous)]

Well, you seem to be blaming his actions for why you are so needy. Therefore, it seemed like that poor behavior is still affecting you, and, therefore, he is a prick. If that awful treatment is causing you to be other than what you would be, then either it was that bad, or you are letting it control you.

Re: just going off of what you wrote.

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

I am not a needy person. I DO like affection. I was acting needy when he did treat me badly. I am not needy (any more than any other normal person) anymore now that he is treating me right.

Re: just going off of what you wrote.

[(Anonymous)]

Ah, misconstrued the original commentor's use of the word attention and your use of neediness.

Are they the same thing to you?
If not, why conflate them in your response?

Re: just going off of what you wrote.

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

They are not the same to me. Didn't realize I had conflated them. They are very different. I LIKE being the center of attention because I am an extrovert with a love of performance. I do not need constant validation to feel good about myself. It's only when what someone says they feel about me doesn't jibe with how they act that I get paranoid and needy.

apologies.

[(Anonymous)]

'scuse, please: I see the original comment did conflate the terms, not you.

Re: just going off of what you wrote.

[(Anonymous)]

Ah, misconstrued the original commentor's use of the word attention and your use of neediness.

Are they the same thing to you?
If not, why conflate them in your response?

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

Do I know you in person? There aren't too many people on NFP and there are fewer on TotC who I know in person.

[(Anonymous)]

No you don't, but every once in a while I visit your LiveJournal and see how yer doing. ;)

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

Hmm. Don't take this the wrong way, but it's kinda hard to make such broad judgments on a person's character and friendships when you don't know them in person and only ever visit their LJ "once in a while".

[(Anonymous)]

Strangely enough, some people decide whether to befriend someone on LJ by checking their userinfo, skimming through a few posts and more importantly reaching out and pulling a sense of the person by what they chose to project onto their LJ-mask.

You've proudly proclaimed to be in a coven several times, I'd assumed (my apologies if I am wrong) that you could or did some variant of the above (mind you I tend to think everyone is capable of doing this, even if only subconsciously).

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

All the people I've friended are either people I know IRL, people I've exchanged comments with back-and-forth in communities, or people who first friended me and who I exchanged comments with in my own journal. I don't even friend all of the people who do that. I've found that most of the time, no matter how slick you think you are at "reading people", and no matter how well you think you know them online, people are almost always different in real life in ways that can be very surprising.

It's also easier to make incorrect judgments about people when you only see their LJ face. That face is almost always more drama-prone and frequently more frivolous than the person's real character. LJ can also be a lot more cliquish than real life.

[(Anonymous)]

Touche. ;)

Mind you, I like comparing my RL friends with what they project online... Most people show more than they think they are...

[(Anonymous)]

so, how much does your IRL persona match your LJ one?

[(Anonymous)]

Paradoxically, you keep your circle of actual friends closeknit and closed.

this is a typical cusp issue on the E vs I portion of the MBTI. Many externally judged E's see themselves as I's.

I would go so far as to say that almst no one who actually posts anything about themselves on LJ without clamping down like a vise on their filters, can be considered an I in MBTI.

YMMV.

Also, why are either of the two points you bring up something that warrants an otherwise regarding being interesting and lovable?

Are you suggesting that needing/liking/wanting attention, yet having a tight knit circle of friends, would neccesarily make someone uninteresting or unlovable?
Or are you suggesting that those two points/issues are merely SUFFICIENT to being unlovable and uninteresting?

[(Anonymous)]

The initial post was tailored that way because I see her (admittedly from a considerable distance) as someone that at some point feared that she was uninteresting (and has since made considerable progress in overcoming that - one typically does this by no longer caring what other people think and just living one's life or simpy being).

With regards to the comment about tight knit ("incestuous" as she put it) circles of friends, I've most often encountered them in groups of adults that were outsiders as children and teens. From within those samples, the one that resonates with her (in my mind's eye at least) is a person that really likes attention. This ties in with the knowledge that a fair portion of the people that really like attention as adults were starved for it as kids.

Since, I think/feel/intuit/guess that she's come from a said background and that she's made tremenduous progress in those areas, I said that she actually is loveable and interesting. Unfortunately, much as I am loathe to admit it, my logic and communication skills aren't my forte, being fuzzy on the one hand and decidely awkward in the latter. Thus it is that I didn't convey my meaning properly. :/

========
Bottom line, I'm not trying to be rude or insulting.

I was piqued with interest by an interesting meme that I'd never run across in my LJ forays, accessed opinions that I'd formulated and mentally saved of her several months ago and submitted my view of her to see how she'd react (and to see how accurate I was).

This will be my last comment on this matter.

[(Anonymous)]

Hmm...something I've never told anybody. Sometimes, when I feel unsatisfied with my current live-in sig-other relationship, I wonder if it's because it's incomplete. As in, I really think I'd be most fulfilled living in a full-time, (bi)nogamous relationship. I know you, of all people, will understand...