Just when I could have used some affection...

[badseed1980]

The one guy I've actually had multiple dates with outside of my relationship has found someone else, and they're going to be monogamous. I'm actually really happy for him, but...fuck. I'm jealous. Not of the girl who got him, but of him...nice, simple, uncomplicated relationship apparently, where the worst thing he's had to worry about so far is letting me down gently.

No one to kiss on New Year's Eve at midnight so far. Again. Well hell, I've only had that once anyway.

Eh, maybe he and I can still be friends. If he bothers.

No one to go to Fetish Fair with either. Some birthday.

I'd been thinking that maybe getting more involved with someone else would make me feel better about this whole thing...less like it's unequal. It's not like I haven't been trying to do that. I try to meet people, I try dating them, I keep in touch diligently. This guy was the first who I wanted to see again. Well, I'd also made out with a friend at Man Ray who I wouldn't have minded seeing again, but apparently he's sticking with his girlfriend.

There's another guy who I met online who wants to get together sometime. I'm just afraid that it might not be a good idea to do this now, when I'm in a precarious emotional position. Last thing I want to do is have sex with someone and burst into tears afterwards. That wouldn't make a good impression at all. But a simple date, that might be ok. I don't know. All I know is that if the person I love hurts me, I would like to get some affection from someone who doesn't. I think. At least, part of me thinks it may make me feel better. May be worse, though, too. Again: fuck. What a life this is.

Comments

[vapidblackrose.livejournal.com]

Hey, so what's this about the Fetish Fair? When is it again? I'll totally go...unless you're searching for someone to specifically pick out your accessories...

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

Well, as I think I've said before, all my friends are invited to go when I do on Saturday the 10th, to celebrate my birthday. No presents needed, just presence. I originally wanted you-know-who to go with me too. When it was obvious that he wouldn't be here, I decided I'd invite the guy I mentioned in this post. I wanted a friendly boy there if I couldn't have a boyfriend, but that seems out now...

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

Kinda wanted to shop with someone who'd help me use my purchases, y'know?

eh...

[erik-j-meyer.livejournal.com]

I can not help in the 'use of purchases' department, but I am sure that you could join in the mob that I appear to be going with. 2 co-workers, SO, sister and various and sundry others I am sure.

Re: eh...

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

Well I also have another group coming with me, I think. At least, lots of people have expressed interest.

Not the same, though...

[isolatory.livejournal.com]

Hi There!

I had no one to kiss on New Years either. It sucked. Actually, the above actually fits pretty good with my place right now as well. *sigh*

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

Aww. Well, I *did* end up with someone to kiss that night, actually. ManRay was weird, though--surprisingly full of vanilla beans who didn't dress up. And they didn't know how to behave around a chick who did. One guy shone a flashlight on my tits and said he was the Pasty Police, and needed to inspect me. :/

Hope you have better luck in the future, and hope I have a better time at ManRay this Friday! . :)

[isolatory.livejournal.com]

Go you! Yeah, I stood there at the party attempting to look cute, but it was all couples for the most part. Didn't make it to ManRay that night, too much money. Not that I've made it out much since October anyway.

Have we perhaps run into each other before there?

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

Oh, I wouldn't be surprised. I don't know if we've actually met, but we've most likely seen one another at some point. If not, it'll probably happen in the future. :)

[isolatory.livejournal.com]

Heh, well I most likely won't be out this Friday or next, but if you see me at some point after that, grab me and say 'hi'. I pretty much look like I do in my photos and always wear makeup out. :)

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

Cool :)