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badseed19801. Polyamorous: Capable of loving more than one person in a romantic way at the same time.
2. Monogamous: Capable of romantically loving only one person at a time.
3. Polyamorous relationship: a romantic relationship in which each of the partners in that relationship has agreed that one, some, or all partners involved may have romantic relationships with more than just one person, without deceit or concealment. These romantic relationships usually involve a sexual component or the intention of having one.
4. Monogamous relationship: a romantic relationship consisting of two partners, each of whom has agreed either explicitly or by implication that they will not have other romantic relationships while that relationship is in existence.
5. Mono-poly relationship: a relationship between a person who identifies as monogamous and a person who identifies as polyamorous. The relationship can be monogamous by nature (in which case the poly partner agrees not to pursue other romantic relationships) or polyamorous by nature (in which case the monogamous partner agrees that the poly partner may pursue other romantic relationships).
6. Polyfidelity, or polyfi: a relationship which is polyamorous in that the participants have romantic relationships with more than one person each, but which is closed to new partners. An example is a triad in which A, B, and C are all involved with each other (so each person has two partners), but they are ONLY involved with one another, and have agreed that they will not pursue other romantic relationships outside the triad.
7. Swinging: a relationship style in which a person may have sexual relationships or encounters with more than one person, without deceit or concealment. Swingers may be individuals or members of a couple or a polyfidelitous triad or larger group. Generally, swinging is differentiated from polyamorous relationships in that swingers usually are closed to additional romantic relationships, but are open to additional sexual relationships or encounters.
8. Nonmonogamous relationships/open relationships: relationships in which one or more of the participants may be sexually involved--with or without the presence of a romantic relationship--with more than one person, without deceit or concealment. Swinging and polyamorous relationships both fall under this category.
9. Platonic: not including sex.
10. Friendship with benefits: a relationship in which two (or more) people are friends, but not in love, and are sexual partners as well. Not a romantic relationship, but not simply casual sex.
11. Casual sex: a sexual encounter or relationship in which sex is the only reason for the encounter or relationship's existence.
12. Cheating (in a relationship): breaking the rules or accepted codes of behaviour of a relationship. In a monogamous relationship, this would include sexual contact with people outside the relationship, and monogamous couples may in fact limit the definition of "cheating" to that one. In a nonmonogamous relationship, however, this is not cheating in and of itself. Cheating in a nonmonogamous relationship may (or may not) include: breaking agreements relating to safer sex practices, lying about the existence or the nature of a relationship with another person, forming a relationship with someone who one has agreed not to form a relationship with, failing to inform one partner before beginning a relationship with another, etc. What is or is not cheating differs from relationship to relationship, depending on what the relationship participants have agreed upon as rules or accepted codes of behaviour.
A note: on the nonmonogamous/open side of things, there is a grey area between swinging and polyamory. Some people or couples or groups may practice both, where a person may have some romantic partners and some nonromantic sexual partners. Some people may develop close nonromantic friendships with their sex partners, as well (or become sexually involved with someone who had previously been a nonromantic platonic friend) so that their relationship falls somewhere between a purely sexual relationship and a romantic relationship.
Now, I don't think any of these things are good or bad in and of themselves. People can do them well or badly. They may change from one kind of relationship to another in the course of a lifetime, or from one identification to another. I've changed from a monogamously-identified person in a monogamous relationship, to a polyamorous person in a polyamorous relationship, for example. And people who sneer at any of these relationship styles or orientations just plain piss me off. That is all.
PS: Please do not comment to tell me that the way I have said something leaves loopholes in my definitions that could cause them to mean things that I don't really want them to mean. I am not seeking to write dictionary definitions. I am merely trying to organize my thoughts in such a way that they will make common sense to me and to others. Questions are welcome. Disagreement is welcome, even. Pedantry and nitpicking are not.
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no subject
Date: 2007-05-11 08:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-11 08:14 pm (UTC)9b. Plutonic: Including really cold sex.
10. Friendship with benefits: Not a romantic relationship, but not simply casual sex.
Also see: Friendship with health benefits, Friendship with 401(k).
11. Casual sex: a sexual encounter or relationship in which sex is the only reason for the encounter or relationship's existence.
11b. Casual sex, type II: Blue jeans allowed.
12. Cheating (in a relationship): breaking the rules or accepted codes of behaviour of a relationship.
12b. Cheating (in a Firefly-class transport): River, stop reading my mind when we're playing poker!
no subject
Date: 2007-05-11 08:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-11 08:30 pm (UTC)9. Platonic: not including sex.
Also see: Work-Wife
12c. Cheating (in a No-Win Situation) see: Kirk, James T. (re:Koby-Ashi Moru)
no subject
Date: 2007-05-11 08:55 pm (UTC)[Joe has just found out that Mike was sleeping with his wife]
Mike Mathews: Look Joe, it just happened.
Joe Hallenbeck: Sure, sure, it just happened. Could happen to anybody. It was an accident, right? You tripped, fell on the floor and accidently stuck your dick into my wife. "Oops, I'm sorry, Mrs. H, I guess this just isn't my week".
*dies*
Date: 2007-05-12 02:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-11 10:46 pm (UTC)Maybe I fall into a gray area. I choose to be monogamous, but I don't know that it speaks to my capability to love in any particular way. I think you've done a great job with all of these definitions in every other regard though!
I think my definition of monogamy and polyamory would replace the word capable of loving with chooses to love.
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