Some interesting facts about Alton Brown

[badseed1980]

I found these by journal- and link-hopping, and copied the ones I liked best. They're a takeoff on the Chuck Norris facts.

* There is no theory of evolution. There are merely lists of organisms that Alton Brown allows to live so that they can be made into good eats.

* Alton Brown doesn't churn butter. He spends half an hour telling cows about the value of butter and they squirt it out for him.

* Alton Brown is not the culinary equivalent of Einstein. Einstein is the physicist equivalent of Alton Brown.

* Kosher salt is named as such because God approves of anything that Alton Brown uses.

* Alton Brown can boil a three-minute egg in thirty-seven seconds.

* In the first, as-yet-unaired episode of Iron Chef America, Alton Brown single-handedly defeated an all-star team of Bobby Flay, Cat Cora, and Hiroyuki Sakai. The secret ingredient was 'whimsy'.

* Some knives can slice through a tin can and still cut a tomato. Alton Brown's knives can slice through a Pontiac, and still cut a tin can.

* Alton Brown can eat just one Lay's potato chip. If he ever bothered to eat food he didn't make himself, that is.

* Every Burger King Alton Brown has walked into has immediately closed forever -- try as they might, they simply can't 'do it his way'.

* Alton Brown can pair a wine with any food -- including hot dogs, ice cream, raw eggs, Alpo, sawdust, and soylent green.

* Alton Brown's cakes don't rise. They ascend.

* Alton Brown's no saint. But if his chicken Kiev cures one more kid's leprosy, the church will reconsider the evidence.

* Alton Brown's show is called 'Good Eats', because 'Multiple Shuddering Mouthgasms' didn't play with the network's target demographic.

* Alton Brown's freezer operates at minus-twenty-seven degrees. Kelvin.

* When Alton Brown slices onions, the onions cry.

Comments

[madamruppy.livejournal.com]

hmmm Soylent Green, that would be a dry white wine I think.

[frater-treinta.livejournal.com]

Dry wine with pork? No, no wrong direction entirely. Sangria, definitely.

(The wine pick is good, the pun is better)

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

Oh bloody hell. :P

[madamruppy.livejournal.com]

I would agree with you if it were fresh cut, but as it has been processed and is much more like a cracker I stand by my judgement. A nice dry white with crackers is a good thing.

[tisana.livejournal.com]

Except, see, I can relate to the ones about Alton Brown.

I love the Burger King one.

[frater-treinta.livejournal.com]

Alton Brown and Jaime Oliver have never been seen together. This is not because they are the same person. It is because that is too much awesome to fit in one area.

[paigemom.livejournal.com]

Alton Brown rulz.

Guy Fieri rulz.

[miss-lisa-ma.livejournal.com]

* Alton Brown's freezer operates at minus-twenty-seven degrees. Kelvin.

Gods, I just about snarfed all over my monitor.

[hippie1025.livejournal.com]

See, now, it's really Rachel Ray who does the foodgasms, not Alton Brown. If I was home, I'd find the youtube clip made entirely of her foodgasms. :)

[pierceheart.livejournal.com]

let's not use any 'gasms word in or around discussion of rachel ray.

[hippie1025.livejournal.com]

Fair enough. Though I defy you to describe the noise she makes when biting into *any* piece of food without doing so. (I mean, *really,* it's just not possible for every single thing she bites into to taste that good.)

[hippie1025.livejournal.com]

Okay, found the clip (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=auzvV5OHwWA)...sorry to pierceheart (no, not really *grin*).

[revduke67.livejournal.com]

LOL!!

Favorited.

L

[revduke67.livejournal.com]

I heart Alton. He taught me how to cook.

Really. If it wasn't for "Good Eats", I'd still be eating ramen and peanut butter sandwiches.

L