Dear Ass from OKCupid:

[badseed1980]

I will call you "Ass" since that's the last word of your user name. I believe the word before it was "Bad", but "Ass" seems to suit you better. I have some suggestions for you.

1. When you write to someone you don't know and abruptly ask them a somewhat personal question, it's best to ask it politely and not to end your message with, "its just a question dont get bent."

2. Why am I on this site if I'm seeing someone? Did you notice my profile states I am only looking for new friends at this time? I wasn't even sure I'd changed that, but I had. Does dating someone mean I am no longer allowed to make new friends?

3. Even if that hadn't been the case, if you'd bothered to read my profile you'd have seen a simple explanation of polyamory.

4. In short, Ass: pay attention, read for comprehension, and learn some fucking manners. Mmmkay?

Comments

[mama-hogswatch.livejournal.com]

"it's just a questions so don't get bent" and its variants mean that the querant knows damn well he's being rude and is going to try to trivialize honest reactions.

I love it when guys do it. It's such a QUICK and EASY red flag for me to avoid them.

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

Yup yup yup.

[disownedheidi.livejournal.com]

We don't get to see the cheesy message?

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

It was basically, "can I ask you something? if your seeing someone, why are you on this site? its just a question so dont get bent."

I have tried to re-create his spelling and punctuation or lack thereof accurately.

[elissa-carey.livejournal.com]

Rudeness on top of rudeness. He doesn't even wait for a response after his, "Can I ask you something?" In fact, prefacing his question with that is another signal for rudeness. His whole message might've been better worded like this:

< RUDENESS > "Myopic, badly spelled & capitalized, ill-thought-out question?" < /RUDENESS >

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

ROFL! That is AWESOME. It could stand in for any number of messages on dating sites!

[bluegargantua]

Dear Ass,

Dude! Stop making my life that much harder! On the one hand, yeah now I only have to use complete sentences and I look that much better than you, but on the other hand I've always got to wade through the bullshit you left behind.

Cripes! This isn't that hard! Read the profile. Construct a small paragraph where you mention something you read in the profile in a positive way. Ask a follow-on question about that or something else you read in the profile -- and pretend you're talking to an on-duty cop with a bad attitude when you form the question. Don't ask for any commitments (including a reply to the message you're sending). Put "Hello" on the front and "Goodbye" on the end. Those wiggly red lines? Means you've misspelled something. Fix that up. Hit "Send".

We've only spent thousands of years evolving as a social animal, people! We're more than just the thumbs!
Tom

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

See, I don't even think he was interested in flirting with me or anything, probably just looking for an excuse to yell at me for being a two-timing slut just like the woman who just left him. *rolls eyes*

[elissa-carey.livejournal.com]

"Hello, sir, I think you just left your BAGGAGE in my LAP."

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

Quite possibly.

I invite you to check out this prize's profile if you're so inclined:

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/garybadass

[elissa-carey.livejournal.com]

Oh, I could have a field day dissecting that profile. I love how he leaves "good woman" completely undefined. You're supposed to know! You're psychic, sheesh! Either you're the "good woman" he's looking for, will fall madly in love and send him a message, or you will know instinctively you're not (well, in this case, you and I know) and just slink away like the bad woman you are.

However, I will note this: My match percentages were in the 50th percentile for being an enemy. That alone speaks far more eloquently than anything else would. (I can handle up to 30% if the others are decent, but more than that is guaranteed NO-GO zone.) I'm guessing that your match percentages were something along those lines, as well.

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

40-something for me. :)

[tiltedsideways.livejournal.com]

42% enemy for me. :P

By the way, did I ever mention that you were the person who got me on OKC in the first place? It's been loads of hilarity, gotten me some new friends, and even a few good dates.

TY!

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

Awesome! I'm glad you've had good luck with it. :)

[miss-lisa-ma.livejournal.com]

For the win!

OKC snark

[drwex]

One of the more amusing pastimes. Sadly I don't get any interest in my profile so I've nothing to snark about.

Re: OKC snark

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

I think women just tend to get a lot more interest than guys do in general, no matter how hot or awesome the guys are.

Re: OKC snark

[drwex]

The implied compliment is very nice, thank you. I suppose it's true that the most snark-worthy guys are the mouth-breather types that'll message anything apparently female.

I did get a couple of messages from profiles claiming to be 18 year old boys which is either very sad or some cop with too much time on his hands.

Re: OKC snark

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

ROFL. I doubt it's a cop: they'd pretend to be UNDER 18!

Yes, those are definitely the most snark-worthy guys. Unfortunately, there seem to be a lot of them out there.

Re: OKC snark

[drwex]

If they claimed to be under 18, _I_ would report them. My guess is they troll for guys and then switch to some IM where they 'admit' to being under 18 and try to get the guy to travel interstate to see them, which is an automatic bust.

Otherwise, why message a guy from MA (me) when claiming to be from CA? It's not like there aren't enough OKC profiles of CA guys over 40...

Sorry, I'm in cynical bastard mode this AM.

[cuddlycthulhu.livejournal.com]

At least he didn't send you a picture of his penis.

It's apparently a standard form of greeting on MySpace.

This is why I never use my MySpace account.

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

o_O

And another good reason for me not to get one.

[cuddlycthulhu.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Right when we got together and until Michelle changed her status, I'd occasionally hear these surprised and disgusted shouts coming from the office; it's be when she'd get a picture from some random guy.

It's the reason she calls it ShowYouMyCockSpace.

[paigemom.livejournal.com]

I am completely disappointed. No one has EVER sent me a picture of their penis!

[kiya]

My only penis receipt was a photoshop job in response to a usenet post. Ah, the intarwebs.

[miss-lisa-ma.livejournal.com]

My penis-sending fella is back on with another name again. Sent me yet ANOTHER email. I blocked this one, too. I cannot fathom why this is considered an appropriate introduction.

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

If I want to look at pictures of penises, there are entire communities specifically designed for that! I've seen some good ones there, too, including ones belonging to gay men who'd never be interested in sending them to me specifically. I'd rather go to the penis than have the penis come to me, online.

[cuddlycthulhu.livejournal.com]

*spews coffee into his trash can* I just had the most horrible mental image of a man, pants-less, wagging his hips back and forth and saying, "Come to penis...come to penis..."

[dbmyrrha.livejournal.com]

I had one of my students tell another staff person to "talk to the penis!"

(Did I mention I work with emotionally disturbed kids?)

[miss-lisa-ma.livejournal.com]

I'd rather go to the penis than have the penis come to me, online.

That was worth the coughing fit, it was so brilliant.

[cuddlycthulhu.livejournal.com]

Well, being male, I couldn't tell you; to be perfectly honest I think that the penis is a ridiculous looking bit of biology, even if I am fond of my own.

Maybe they think it'll inspire some kind of train wreck response in people; it's so horrible but you can't look away, so you end up reading at least the first little bit of their message?

[tisana.livejournal.com]

I can't, either...until you consider that in the internet age, it's come down to brief, animal kingdom-like displays of suitability as a mate, much like the peacock's display of bigger, brighter, more colorful feathers says, "Hey! You know you want to do the nasty with this, don'tcha? Huh?"

They might only get a couple seconds of your attention, after all, so they go with what they think we think is most important. If they had any sense at all, they'd show us their brains, but hey, clearly we're not their target demographic.

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

f they had any sense at all, they'd show us their brains, but hey, clearly we're not their target demographic.

Nor are zombies, apparently.

[paigemom.livejournal.com]

OOo what a hottie!

Er, not.

[alfredmorris.livejournal.com]

Oh man, this totally makes my day :D
For as few responses I get to my messages, I know I'll never be as bad as this chump!

[cos]

Post about him to okcupid_snark? :)