Aha!

[badseed1980]

tisana's post just made me realize why I'm not feeling all that happy lately, even though I'm not in a depressive mood. The problem? I can't remember the last time someone flirted with me. Guys making rude comments on the street doesn't count. That's not flirting. That's annoying. Man, this sucks. I have to get out to ManRay soon! I'm almost tempted to go tonight, if only for a short time since I'm going out tomorrow morning. Actually, I think the last time anyone really flirted with me was...hm...February? Late January? Damn, things are getting bad. *sigh*

Comments

[mystaya-sin.livejournal.com]

Trust me it could be wayyyyyyyyyyyyyy worse. Wanna trade lives?

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

No, I know it can be worse. In fact, for a lot of that time, it's BEEN worse. Things are looking better now, but I just need a little attention. I'm currently seeing two guys, but things may be taking a more platonic direction with one, and I only saw the other for about 20 minutes a week ago, and the last time before that was two weeks ago. Didn't spend the night, either. So yeah. No flirting and no sex for WAY too long!

[mystaya-sin.livejournal.com]

I can totally relate....I've been lacking attention for a while too. Any saturday night you wanna go out, let me know.

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

Well, the next three are taken up. :/

[tisana.livejournal.com]

...whereas too much attention can make one neurotic. Need balance.

I think perhaps you don't go to the right parties. Parties are where I find new friends to flirt with, after all. I'd invite you out, but I don't know that you'd be interested in the poly parties. So ManRay sounds like a great idea for you.

You know, I like it when random strangers make rude comments...it gives me a reason to be creative with my gestures and put downs and take my anger out on someone with no repercussions in my social life. I think water_childe had the best one...she was being harassed by a rather persistent guy, she walked over, stuck her head in his car window, smiled and said, "I wouldn't fuck you with a stolen twat. Go away."

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

Well, I don't get invited to a hell of a lot of parties.

The ones I go to are all friends I've known so long, they don't bother flirting with me anymore. I rarely meet new people at a party.

I'd feel like a fraud at a poly party, and I think others would see me as one. And I don't think the people there would like me. I don't know why I think that, but I do.

As for the rude comments, they're just annoying. They don't make me mad, just sort of "oy vey, this again?"

[tisana.livejournal.com]

"I'd feel like a fraud at a poly party"

Oops. I should have said (but wasn't thinking) "parties thrown by people who I know through the poly crowd." They are certainly not all poly, many are just fine with flirting and cuddling.

If I find one that's not poly-specific and open to anyone, I can let you know.

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

...and on the other hand, I think that being thought of as someone who *couldn't* go to a poly party that wasn't open to people who aren't poly is wrong. I *am* poly. I am involved with multiple people, and have genuine affection for all of them. I may not be that way all my life, I don't know. But right now, that's what I am. I just feel like a fraud for thinking that it may not be the best thing for me forever.

I have no problem with doing more than flirting and cuddling. In fact, I like the idea. It's not like all I do with the people I'm seeing now is flirt and cuddle. In fact, there's little flirting, much cuddling, and sex whenever possible. However, I don't really want to go to a party where everyone's really trying to get laid and I end up being the last pick for the team in gym class, if you know what I mean...

[tisana.livejournal.com]

Oh, I do...
But the parties I've been to (unless I'm totally clueless) weren't at all like that. Lots of flirting, sure, but it was mostly people talking for the sake of getting to know each other. So you might like some of them

And by "open," I meant open invite (some people, dealing with potential psychodrama, don't want to chance strangers causing trouble)...not that one should be required to be poly to go.

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

I see. Makes more sense. It just sort of sounded, the way you described it before, like the poly scene is some sort of private club where you have to meet their standards of polyness to join, which is already a paranoid feeling I have anyway. So I guess it's a good thing that I'm not really interested in getting to know people solely on that basis anyway. :)

[wolf-kells.livejournal.com]

Being poly can be a lifestyle choice that comes and goes in waves. PLEASE don't feel pressured to define yourself on this issue. If you aren't poly, so be it! If you are, good for you, as long as you're comfortable.

I have been poly at certain points in my life, but not at the moment. Just wouldn't work for me now. I don't feel like I don't (or wouldn't) fit in at a "poly party" though. It sounds like you might be finding the concept a little intimidating ... or are you just worried that by attending, you'll be advertising your availability for something you may or may not be willing to follow though on??

It can be really rough when you feel that no one has flirted with you for a long while ... believe me, I've been there. When Skip and I were having all our problems before our marriage more or less ended, I felt more unattractive than I had ever felt in my life. My self-esteem was so low that (in retrospect), it doesn't surprise me that no one flirted with me. Even if they had, I'm not sure I'd have had the self-confidence to respond.

I feel for you, babe, I really do. Keep your chin up and don't be afraid to be in new social situations. Just don't feel the need to pressure yourself to meet some imagined quota. I don't think these parties are like that.

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

Eh, I do like meeting new people. Very much! It's not something that makes me afraid. It's certain situations that do that. I'm still very wary about the whole poly thing, mostly because I feel like I am seen as a fraud by everyone who's more confident and happy about it than I am. I've been called a fake before, and it made me feel like shit.

I don't have low self-esteem. I have high, but somewhat fragile, self-esteem. I know I'm a good and fairly pretty person, but I do need reasonably regular reminders that I'm not the only one who thinks so. Comes from having a low self-esteem when I was young.

[pierceheart.livejournal.com]

A: you are not a fake at all, I have never seen or heard you fake anything

2: you are gorgeous. I thought so (even in my drunken haze) at the Beltane Bash, I thought so at every discussion group I saw you at, and I thought so on 4 July. BIG TIME on 4 july. hell, when I gave you rides after discussion grou, and we talked about skinny dipping, I was praying that i would get a chance to see you naked. Hell, i was praying I could get into your pants . . .

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

Well, thank you. :)

You weren't the one who implied I was a fake. And you don't need to say that, really. Although once in a while, it's nice to hear.

[wolf-kells.livejournal.com]

When I said that you "might be finding the concept a little intimidating", I was referring to attending a *poly party*, not the idea of meeting new people. Sorry, perhaps I should have been more specific there!

Personally, I wouldn't think you were a "fraud" just because you may not consider yourself as comfortable with the idea of being poly as sone other people do. Like I said, it's a lifestyle choice, and sometimes people decide/want to be monogamous ... sometimes they don't. There are definitely times in my life when I have been poly ... and not completely comfortable with the idea, as odd as that might sound. If you're feeling that way now, you might want to examine why. Are you honestly not happy or comfortable with the idea of seeing more than one person, or are you perfectly okay with the concept but still feel guilty because of the social restrictions that are accepted by mainstream society?

And you know what?? Even if you went to a few parties, and decided later that you really weren't as comfortable with the idea as you thought you might be ... so what? No reasonable, open-minded person would condemn you for that. (And really, what do you care about what the narrow-minded think anyway?)

Think of it like this ... let's say you're a belly dancer. One day, you get curious about other forms of dance and you decide to take jazz lessons. However, after the first few classes, you begin to wonder if this is really the right choice for you. Eventually, you decide that perhaps belly dancing was more up your alley after all. Do you really think anyone would consider you a fraud for that?

It's human nature to explore things that we are curious about. I mean, come on ... haven't you ever tried something sexually (a position, a toy, etc.) because you were curious ... and later decided that it just didn't turn you on? So what if it didn't? Doesn't mean that you were a fraud for trying ... or even for considering the idea.

As far as "regular reminders" go ...

I've only met you once (when we were comparing weapons of mass distraction in the Norwood Indian restaurant), but I thought you were attractive and very funny. I have come to appreciate your wicked sense of humor even more after reading a lot of your comments on LJ. Always look forward to reading what you have to say.