Saying stuff that goes without saying.

[badseed1980]

I am very happy to be on the spiritual path I'm on right now. It gives me so much, and even the things it asks of me make me a better person.

I'm grateful for those I'll be with this evening. What a truly wonderful bunch of people. Friends, family, teachers, fellow students. Even when it's hectic and full of hard work, the time I spend with them is soothing to my soul. And a lot of fun. I learn a lot from them: how to communicate with people, how good cheddar with Nutella tastes, that a whole lot of hugs really CAN make anything at least a little bit better, and that any job can get done if people work together and put their minds and backs into it.

I'm grateful for the relationship I have with my patron god and goddess. They give me comfort when I need it, and help open my eyes when I'm obstinately trying to keep them shut. Knowing them both helps me to be more balanced within myself.

I never would have imagined as a child that anything like this would ever be important to me. I never would have thought I'd be where I am today. But you know what? I think I would have thought I was pretty cool. :)

Oooh, there's a question for all of you:
What do you think your 12-year-old self would have thought of you today?

Comments

[tigira.livejournal.com]

My 12-year-old self would have said,

Hey, cool. Um, but, where are all the fish? What'd you go to Sea Camp for anyway? I got that awful sunburn for NOTHING? Yeah, but, hey, cool.

[sweetpeatn.livejournal.com]

my 12 year old self would be screaming "what the hell are you thinking?"

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

Mine would have said, "Wow, you actually have had boyfriends? But I thought I never would! And you're a belly dancer? Cool! But you dress too girly. And why do you work in an office instead of being an archaeologist?

On that last, I sometimes wonder myself. :)

[tisana.livejournal.com]

"Wow, you actually have had boyfriends? But I thought I never would! And you're a belly dancer?"

Almost verbatim what mine would say. Except, I think the first thing said would be, "Who are you? I don't recognize you."

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah, that too. Straight hair, 3 cup sizes bigger, slinky aqua stretchy sundress, and lovely makeup. Very very different.

[elissa-carey.livejournal.com]

That's a really good question, because that gives me more food for thought in this recent identity quest of mine. Lets me look back and gives me a little more perspective. :)

To take a stab, I suppose my 12-year-old self would be happy that we've got boobs, although a bit disappointed at the state they're in. C'est la vie; comes with kids. She'd be really, really surprised that we had kids, though. She really didn't want kids, didn't see them in her future. We'd planned on being a rock star, or astrologer, or raising horses. Oops. :)

But I do know that she'd be pleasantly surprised at some of the other turns our life took, like being in the military or writing for a living (a hobby? I don't make enough right now to even support myself, much less anyone else). I think she'd also be happy to see that all the boys that picked on her were wrong, although I wish I could go back and tell her that all she really needs to do is shower more often and get Mom to take us shopping for better clothes. (And be assertive, but that's never something anyone learns very quickly.)

In all, we're not that bad, although there's a few things I could learn from her, like getting back in touch with my dreams. :)

My 12 year old self...

[bittercat.livejournal.com]

1. Would be disappointed with how cynical we've become, but would be impressed at how much better our self esteem is.

2. Would be disappointed that we didn't go into forensics. Yet.

3. Would be relieved to see that we did, indeed, make some friends and end up with a fairy normal adult life.

4. Would think where we are religiously is way cool. I was studying the occult even back then! ;)

Re: My 12 year old self...

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

3. Would be relieved to see that we did, indeed, make some friends and end up with a fairy normal adult life.

A fairy normal adult life?
How normal is that, exactly? *grin*

Re: My 12 year old self...

[bittercat.livejournal.com]

Aw, crap! *fairly normal adult life* Criminy! :P

Re: My 12 year old self...

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

hehehe...

I liked the idea of "fairy normal" :)

Re: My 12 year old self...

[bittercat.livejournal.com]

Yeahwell...I'm not feeling too airy-fairy today. *grumble grumble*

I think it's the stress of the house bid and the boss' obnoxious behavior and just...Ugh. Monday. Gah! :(

Re: My 12 year old self...

[badseed1980.livejournal.com]

Yeah, Mondays suck!

[mystaya-sin.livejournal.com]

Id respond but the answer is to damn depressing

[concordantnexus.livejournal.com]

Well now... (keeping in mind that I was a late bloomer in many respects):

he'd be shocked that I left the Polish Roman Catholic fold

he'd been intrigued that I got involved in neo-paganism and the occult (even back then there was a keen interest, if not the resources to proceed - I recall in grade school, a friend and I decided to start our own religion which involved worshipping a huge old yellow birch in one corner of the playground. I was also frustrated that my mum didn't remember my actual birth time {this blocked me from casting my own natal chart as a child. It wasn't until age 20 that I met an astrologer qualified enough to do a rectified chart.} )

he'd be surprised that I'd actually had sex (for the record lost my virginity at 13.75 - really bad idea)

he'd be disgusted that I'd experimented with bisexuality (yes, admittedly I was homophobic as a child) and that I'd figured out how to masturbate (which for the record happened after I'd lost my virginity. This would be a clear case of putting the buggy before the horse would it not?)

he'd be at once ashamed and awed by how comfortable I am with my sexuality

he'd be jealous that: I am able to accept and give hugs, that I am a good dancer, that I have a wide and varied network of friends (was extremely, shy and prickly as a kid, teacher's pet because adults were the only people I could relate to), that I can identify and respect other peoples' psychological boundaries and equally important, that I can identify and respect my own psychological boundaries.

he'd be scared shitless at the years of depression, pain and sorrow ahead of him

he'd be seriously disappointed that I still haven't got a single degree either in college or university, but very relieved that I managed to get a reasonably well paying job nonetheless

---

Hot damn, put that way, I have grown through a lot, haven't I? :)

If ya consider it TMI, feel free to erase it. ;)

[leenah.livejournal.com]

i would never WANT my 12-yr old self to know the years of pain, hell, misery, joy, love, giddyness, etc., necessary to get me to the point i am now. she'd kill herself, i have no doubt. amazingly, it is really all worth it. but, she'd never get it. it would be way too huge for her to see. she didn't really look past 27, my ideal age when i was young. old enough to do everything, and still interested in doing it.

honestly, 39 is even better. way way WAY better.

my 12 yr old self would be jaw on the floor freaked out and amazed at the transformation. she'd also be pissed that i don't wear the contact lenses i own. i have come so very very very ad infinitum far from where i was way back then.

she'd also think i was a little fat. and, i am. :) and she'd wonder where the long hair went. and, she'd be scared of me. :)

self esteem is an amazing thing. :)

[ayalanya.livejournal.com]

my 12 y/o self would be shocked that i had left the church and *gasp* had sex before marriage. she would also be horrified at my appearance, as i no longer wear concealor and have ditched the tight jeans and wear stuff that doesn't make me look like a dumb blonde. however, she would be wonderfully impressed by how far i've gotten artistically, and would probably be very pleased to know that she wasn't actually being stupid when she was so afraid of the woods at girl's camp.

My 12 year old self ...

[wolf-kells.livejournal.com]

1. Would be completely horrified that after 3 college degrees, she's still working for family.

2. Would be terrified of the fact that she's going to get raped by her boyfriend in four years, but would be relieved to know she'll survive the experience and go on to have a healthy sex life.

3. Would be beside herself at the thought of getting divorced after slightly more than 2 years of marriage.

4. Would be blown away by some of the sexcapades she will have (and even more by some of the people she'll have them with).

5. Would be disappointed to know that she doesn't own her own house yet by age 31.

6. Would be thrilled with the discovery that her "secret" religion is in fact a form of worship practiced by thousands. (Keep in mind that she didn't know a single other Pagan. Furthermore, mother was completely horrified with her obsession with the Craft, and would physically stop her any time she tried to sneak into the nearest occult shop.)

7. Would be thrilled with all the cool stuff she's managed to accumulate -- particularly the car and the figurines of witches, gnomes and gargoyles scattered throughout the house.

8. Would be shocked at how much she sounds like her parents when talking to her boyfriend's three-year-old daughter.

9. Would (hopefully) be proud of herself overall for living through some of the more serious shit she's been through and NOT killing herself in the process.

10. Would be really pissed off that when the millennium turned, she wasn't out partying her ass off somewhere instead of deciding that she didn't have the energy to put up with such a screamingly large crowd of overzealous First-Nighters.