Something's brewing.

I don't know what it is. But I can feel something building in me, getting ready to come out. Something to do with magic. I feel it more strongly than I have in the past. I feel like if I do a spell now, it will actually work for a change. Gods know I *should* do one. There's a lot of personal transformational work I ought to be doing, but it's hard for me to figure out exactly what it is I want to happen. Once I do, I will do a big mojo working. In fact, maybe I should start while the moon is still waning. There's a LOT of crap I need to get rid of and banish totally. Maybe I will melt the broken black candles I have and make new ones. Maybe I will bathe in salt water. There are a lot of things I can think to do as *forms* of the spell, but so far the goal is too nebulous. I wish Morgan were here. I'd like to talk to him about this. Maybe my friend who's been a more powerful witch than me since she was eleven will be able to help. I don't know. But I sometimes feel like she can't really understand how difficult it is for me. So maybe not. It's funny. I seem to approach everything I do either backwards or from a really bizarre angle, so that no one can advise me on my path when I need it. It's like I need directions to a place, and their website lists directions from the north, south, and west, but I'm coming from the east. Hehehe. Anyway, I guess I need to find my own way a lot of the time.
However I do it, I feel like something is starting now, and things are poised to happen. I don't know if it's the season, or my own cycle, or just a hint of premonition about something in the future, but I feel things building. I want to create some change. Time to start planning.

(no subject)

When will I ever learn not to write anything down if it matters, unless it's something I keep hidden? Morgan, damn him, was able to get online and read the post from the other day where I was all worried about him being distant and not caring. Fuck. I deleted that one specifically so he couldn't read it. I wanted to talk about it instead of having him read some stupid-ass self-pitying depressed LJ comment that made me feel like a loser to even type. He told me he wasn't going to have internet access at all. Grr.
Anyway, the upshot is good. The boy actually called me, and we hashed out a few things. I feel better now. It's weird. Last tiime I tried to talk to him about being upset, he really didn't seem to get how upset I was, or care all that much. This time, when I wrote it and didn't want him to see, it got through to him. What, do I have to post like some angsty teenager from now on if I'm hurting? Guess so. Hey, it worked. I am perplexed, still a little annoyed, but much happier and very much in love. Maybe this proves my writing is good for something after all.